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Preference vs Expectation

How does it work when your preference and expectations are not the same?

Example 1
• You Prefer someone to be kind to you. However, you Expect that they won’t based on past circumstances.  So you have a negative expectation over-riding the positive preference.

• When they are ugly to you, it meets the expectation, but it hurts because it still is contrary to your preference.

This is easy when it’s your favorite football team, but you know they’re not any good. You can live with it.  However, in a personal relationship, that negative expectation may be the start of resentment.  Is it possible to circumvent this?

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Robert Ford