Empath / HSP

#1 · June 2, 2021, 12:55 pm

Hello!

I found MHH via Sean's TikTok channel and have gone through the 45 day 101 course.

I have been using the tools and practices successfully for issues that have been coming up for me that are "sourced" from my own issues and thoughts. I do struggle at times, but I find that the techniques do enable me to "see" the issue and to shift into meta-awareness to resolve or release it.

The issue I'm finding right now is that being a Highly Sensitive Person and an Empath and when I'm around someone with strong emotions around any particular issue, I find it harder to use the same tools. My body physically feels the emotions of the other person and it can really wreck my energy for days. I get anxious, head aches, nervous, trouble breathing, etc. I don't know how to apply these techniques if my own subconscious isn't the one making the fuss. I don't know how to tell it to stop or that it's okay, when I am not the source.

Do you have any advice around this? It's vicious at times and I have a hard time functioning until it finally resolves or fades. It's exhausting.

I do find that meditation does help somewhat, but not in a lasting way.

Dwight

Jennifer Grove has reacted to this post.

#2 · June 8, 2021, 4:39 pm

Hello, Dwight!

I wonder whether you may consciously take these experiences to the outskirts of your self map. I mean, inside but in the farthest levels, so that you don't lose your empathy (if you really want to keep it) but the feelings it generates are much less intense.

Best wishes!

Anna Rosa

#3 · January 20, 2022, 9:07 am

Hi, Dwight.

I don't know if you're still around. But I hope you do read this and I hope you are okay.

I go thru periods where other people are on my Self Map and then periods when they are not. It's often pretty extreme one way or the other. It seems to be like a cycle. But when they are on my Self Map, I'm all in. I just want to make them happy. I don't care what it costs. This phase usually only lasts a few hours now, but it used to be much longer. It wouldn't matter if I was around them physically or not. I had fewer periods where they weren't on my Map back then too. I think this part of me must have burned out or something. Trauma.

Anyway, I'm wondering if I can find the part of myself that wants to make them happy and put that part of myself farther out on the perimeter of my Self Map. I think the other people will sort themselves out if I get my self sorted out first. I hope...

This part of it, at least, is my issue. I have boundary problems. It's developmental damage. And I don't honestly know how much of it can be fixed or not. Not this late in the game.

What do you think?

Does this resonate at all?

~Jennifer

#4 · January 1, 2023, 2:28 pm

Quote from Anonymous on January 1, 2023, 2:28 pm
Hello, I hope you are well.

I have a similar problem, but call my behaviour pattern "codependency/people pleasing" rather than "empath/HSP".

I found this meditation for feeling separateness somewhat helpful, haven't done the 21 day practice yet though:

The Frame Technique Meditation for Setting Boundaries and Letting Go of People Pleasing

It's like the awareness is too much on other people and it needs to be moved into your own body.

I get anxious, head aches, nervous, trouble breathing, etc.

That sounds really tough. Like Jennifer mentioned, those could be trauma trigger symptoms? I had trouble sleeping, muscle tension and stress release migraines, but didn't even realize there was some past trauma getting triggered because I didn't remember it. Trauma doesn't have to be big, it can be something smaller that you couldn't handle as a child and so you don't connect it as happening again.

I go thru periods where other people are on my Self Map and then periods when they are not. It's often pretty extreme one way or the other. It seems to be like a cycle. But when they are on my Self Map, I'm all in. I just want to make them happy. I don't care what it costs. This phase usually only lasts a few hours now, but it used to be much longer. It wouldn't matter if I was around them physically or not. I had fewer periods where they weren't on my Map back then too. I think this part of me must have burned out or something. Trauma.

I think you're right it could be trauma because when your stress response is way up it thinks in extreme terms of black & white, categorises things as all good or all bad and reacts instead of responds. I get a really similar thing, but I'm at the level where often I can recognise that feeling, leave the situation and think through later once I'm alone and really calm. I learned that the flight-flight response is actually fight/flight/freeze/fawn/drop and it can be low-level chronic rather than a full-on. I end up with a trigger and going into "fawn" response which is the "people pleasing" pattern. Or "freeze" and not state my opinion. If I'm triggered full-on I can recognize when it happens in the moment because I feel shakey and the colour comes out of the room -feeling is called "dissociation". Or it could just be this lesser uneasy feeling that I was taking on automatic and I didn't express what I really wanted to say. It feels like a level lower than "the me's" thoughts and automatic, if that makes sense. It's frustrating because I needed to tell someone about this problem, but I'd get triggered into "fawn" and say nothing is wrong, it's not so bad or talk in a round-about way instead of directly or "freeze" and just can't say it.

What is the fawn response? - try not to binge her channel or it could trigger something

re: taking these experiences to the outskirts of your self map

If it's trauma then I'm not sure how this is possible until it's healed? Unless you practice MHH for a long time and down-regulate your stress response and can then bring awareness to it? I haven't read the MHH books yet. I read "Body Keeps the Score" and the stuff needs healing or the thinking brain just turns off and the body keeps acting it out. MHH doesn't cover body-based exercises much except mentioning yoga. I heard of nervous system healing exercises like yoga, acupuncture, somatic experiencing, TRE exercises, be careful not to over-do it or you get fried. I like shake-it-out, massage, jogging, re-parenting, cultivating an inner friend and ho'ponopono meditation for healing.

This part of it, at least, is my issue. I have boundary problems. It's developmental damage. And I don't honestly know how much of it can be fixed or not. Not this late in the game.

Don't give up on yourself! You can always make some small progress and it makes a difference! Neuroplasticity!

Other stuff that helped me with boundaries was learning how to identify emotional manipulation like gaslighting, guilt trips and pity ploys so now I know when I'm getting played. I'm learning assertive communication but not practiced near enough.

Anyway, I ended up stumbling onto MHH after accidentally triggering this trauma that I didn't realise I had and struggling to recover from it. Finding the course really helpful! Really, really go slow if it's trauma and be kind to yourself. Learn self-compassion before doing any shadow work or too much learning about trauma or it'll be a hard time!

Hello, I hope you are well.

I have a similar problem, but call my behaviour pattern "codependency/people pleasing" rather than "empath/HSP".

I found this meditation for feeling separateness somewhat helpful, haven't done the 21 day practice yet though:

The Frame Technique Meditation for Setting Boundaries and Letting Go of People Pleasing

It's like the awareness is too much on other people and it needs to be moved into your own body.

I get anxious, head aches, nervous, trouble breathing, etc.

That sounds really tough. Like Jennifer mentioned, those could be trauma trigger symptoms? I had trouble sleeping, muscle tension and stress release migraines, but didn't even realize there was some past trauma getting triggered because I didn't remember it. Trauma doesn't have to be big, it can be something smaller that you couldn't handle as a child and so you don't connect it as happening again.

I go thru periods where other people are on my Self Map and then periods when they are not. It's often pretty extreme one way or the other. It seems to be like a cycle. But when they are on my Self Map, I'm all in. I just want to make them happy. I don't care what it costs. This phase usually only lasts a few hours now, but it used to be much longer. It wouldn't matter if I was around them physically or not. I had fewer periods where they weren't on my Map back then too. I think this part of me must have burned out or something. Trauma.

I think you're right it could be trauma because when your stress response is way up it thinks in extreme terms of black & white, categorises things as all good or all bad and reacts instead of responds. I get a really similar thing, but I'm at the level where often I can recognise that feeling, leave the situation and think through later once I'm alone and really calm. I learned that the flight-flight response is actually fight/flight/freeze/fawn/drop and it can be low-level chronic rather than a full-on. I end up with a trigger and going into "fawn" response which is the "people pleasing" pattern. Or "freeze" and not state my opinion. If I'm triggered full-on I can recognize when it happens in the moment because I feel shakey and the colour comes out of the room -feeling is called "dissociation". Or it could just be this lesser uneasy feeling that I was taking on automatic and I didn't express what I really wanted to say. It feels like a level lower than "the me's" thoughts and automatic, if that makes sense. It's frustrating because I needed to tell someone about this problem, but I'd get triggered into "fawn" and say nothing is wrong, it's not so bad or talk in a round-about way instead of directly or "freeze" and just can't say it.

What is the fawn response? - try not to binge her channel or it could trigger something

re: taking these experiences to the outskirts of your self map

If it's trauma then I'm not sure how this is possible until it's healed? Unless you practice MHH for a long time and down-regulate your stress response and can then bring awareness to it? I haven't read the MHH books yet. I read "Body Keeps the Score" and the stuff needs healing or the thinking brain just turns off and the body keeps acting it out. MHH doesn't cover body-based exercises much except mentioning yoga. I heard of nervous system healing exercises like yoga, acupuncture, somatic experiencing, TRE exercises, be careful not to over-do it or you get fried. I like shake-it-out, massage, jogging, re-parenting, cultivating an inner friend and ho'ponopono meditation for healing.

This part of it, at least, is my issue. I have boundary problems. It's developmental damage. And I don't honestly know how much of it can be fixed or not. Not this late in the game.

Don't give up on yourself! You can always make some small progress and it makes a difference! Neuroplasticity!

Other stuff that helped me with boundaries was learning how to identify emotional manipulation like gaslighting, guilt trips and pity ploys so now I know when I'm getting played. I'm learning assertive communication but not practiced near enough.

Anyway, I ended up stumbling onto MHH after accidentally triggering this trauma that I didn't realise I had and struggling to recover from it. Finding the course really helpful! Really, really go slow if it's trauma and be kind to yourself. Learn self-compassion before doing any shadow work or too much learning about trauma or it'll be a hard time!