Self map items

#1 · January 19, 2021, 4:45 pm

I'm on day 10 (I think) and so I've been working on my SM for a few days. I am confused about some of my emotional reactions to things, and I'm hoping someone has some insight.

I've noticed that a LOT of my emotional reactions are around "ideas" and not concrete "things" (i.e. I have an emotional reaction when the kitchen is a mess after husband and son said they cleaned up after dinner)... I'm not sure what to put on my SM other than "I feel valued when people DO what they say they'll DO"... I feel like I'm missing the THING that goes on my SM. I know that the reason I have this ER is because a) acts of service are my "love language," and b) it annoys me to believe the kitchen is clean (so one less thing for me to do), when in fact, I have to clean it myself. It feels disrespectful and invalidating. Is this "clean house" on my SM? That isn't quite it... yes, clutter and dirty makes me anxious, but my ER isn't about the clutter/dirty making me anxious, it's about my feeling like I have to do EVERYTHING.

I can't think of other examples atm, but the past few days has felt like almost ALL of my ER are related to these intangible things. Any insight or advice is appreciated!

Jason Bost has reacted to this post.

#2 · February 8, 2021, 7:57 pm

hoping for a solid response on this as i have literally the same questions

#3 · March 24, 2021, 2:56 pm

Hi, Lorah,

From what you have written I would say that your EP are "My family loves me by doing what they say they will do". When they do not do so, you perceive either a downgrade of your EP -- leading to sadness -- or a form of attack -- which would make you angry.

These are my two cents.

I wish you are progressing well!

Michelle Mikes and Jacqueleen Siso have reacted to this post.

#4 · April 5, 2021, 8:57 pm

I am unable to locate the self map exercise. Can someone please assist?

#5 · April 8, 2021, 2:58 pm

Michele, go to the MM101 content and click on day 7. On the right side of the screen you'll see the homework is to start your worksheet. Just above that is a clickable link ("Resources") which will take you to the worksheet.

Hope that helps!

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#6 · April 12, 2021, 6:01 pm

Remember that your SM includes things, people, likes, dislikes, roles, achievements, everything that you identify as or with. So, when it comes to your SM ideas are concrete things - because anything you can fathom is real thing in your mind and therefore tangible as long as you can break down what it is. Once you figure that out, even if you can't do anything about moving it around on your SM, you have named it and have a better chance at taming it.

Potential SM items related to your ER:

People: Family
Role: Someone whose love language is "acts of service", Respected/Loved Mother and Wife
Likes: Family doing chores
Dislike: Cleaning the kitchen
Thing: Clean house, your free time
Likes: Obedient Children, Thoughtful Husband
Accomplishment: Keeping a clean house, last time you cleaned the house

So any one of these things could have an EP related to them that your Perception of an unclean kitchen/undone chores could misalign with, giving you your negative ER.

Hope this was helpful 🙂

Scott Sawyers has reacted to this post.

#7 · April 16, 2021, 9:08 pm

The self map item can be as simple as I like the kitchen to be cleaned when someone says its cleaned, For me its I like to be on time Etc. So if someone I.E your husband or children say they are going to clean it your expectation and preference is that it is cleaned, when it is not cleaned it causes an emotional response. I have learned with my time example I have decided not to care if someone makes me late anymore, the same can go you can let the idea of a clean kitchen go perhaps, or you can change your perception that perhaps maybe your son or husband got busy, or their version of clean kitchen is not what you would consider clean, you can perceive that they honestly tried. Or you can perceive that who gives a heck, which is what I have started doing. I pretty much ask myself in any situation did I die? Nope, ok then its not that big of a deal. It has helped immensely from this training we are learning here.

#8 · November 3, 2021, 5:42 pm

Maybe have a conversation with your husband about the mind hacking program and how much it’d mean to you for him to do it with you?

Just an idea from someone that knows the importance of a clean kitchen😊

#9 · November 9, 2021, 9:49 pm

Quote from Lorah Vizdos on April 8, 2021, 2:58 pm

Michele, go to the MM101 content and click on day 7. On the right side of the screen you'll see the homework is to start your worksheet. Just above that is a clickable link ("Resources") which will take you to the worksheet.

Hope that helps!

Hi Lorah, there is no link resources 🙂